Black fire

HolyWrath24 describes what he believed to have been a near death experience (NDE):

Sure. I am on antiphycicotics [antipsychotics] and several years back when I first started taking the medicine I had a day where I drank to many energy drinks. Essentially what happens is that when you sleep you have to maintain a certain body temperature, if you overheat while on these drugs you can die. So I have insomnia as a symptom. I fell asleep but I started to over heat while I was asleep and the excess caffeine in my system was pushing my heart way too hard. I found myself in a large casem [chasm] sort of like the inside of a volcano. There were little wooden shacks all over the walls and it was insainly hot. I found myself inside one of these shacks. There were little black Spirit children that looked like they were on fire with this black fire and they had these evil smiles. They were in these shacks and they controlled these little black wolf creatures. They were chopping people’s bodies up with cleavers. I was in this space but I must have been able to crawl off the chop table and onto the floor but I looked back and my legs had been chopped off up to my knees. So I was crawling away and these wolf’s were barking at me while the kids just smiled and laughed. I saw the door to exit the room it was pink but as I was crawling toward it I started to pray oh Lord I’m so sorry for all that I have done please forgive me don’t leave me here. At that moment the door busted open and a white flash so bright it blinded me came speeding into the room I was picked up and my very essence was carried out into the casem [chasm] and I could feel us flying out so fast I could feel the skin on my face being pressed in by the speed. We flew out of that place with the ominous noise slowly fadeing away. I woke up briefly and called for help, I live with my parents. And then I blacked out again. I woke up briefly again with my mom dragging me to the bathroom. Then I passed out. Then I woke up again in the shower with cold water raining down on me and my mom was slapping me in the face and crying uncontrollably to try to wake me up. Eventually I woke up and was able to move around again. That was the night I gave my life to Christ.

Sleep paralysis

I’ve transcribed some comments on sleep paralysis made by sleep physician Raj Dasgupta (approximately 34:30 to 36:30):

Dasgupta: Sleep paralysis, it’s scary. There’s a disconnect between the mind and the body. Someone asked me, “why does it happen?”. It’s because your mind is awake, but your body is still stuck in REM sleep. What makes REM sleep so unique than any other stage of sleep is you lose muscle tone. Is that a good thing that happens? Of course. It’s a protective mechanism.

Ian: So you don’t act out your dreams?

Dasgupta: You got it. There are disorders out there that I see where patients are re-enacting their dreams. It’s called REM movement disorder. So it’s the opposite. You know, when you ask someone about sleep paralysis, they have these feelings like someone is sitting on their chest, someone is standing in the room, like an ominous figure sometimes. And you know why? What stage of sleep do we see sleep apnea in the most? REM! That’s why you feel that closure of the airway, your breathing becomes shallow.

Ian: So you’re conscious, but your body is still paralyzed?

Dasgupta: You got it. That’s why they feel someone sitting on their chest, and why they think people are in the room, because your mind becomes in this hyper-aroused state. Kind of a protective state. And you get these hallucinations.

1. As a point of clarity, I think the term “sleep paralysis” is a bit misleading, for neither the real concern of the patient nor the primary issue in the disease is the “paralysis” during sleep. Rather, the real concern and the primary issue is what the patient sees or experiences: the presence of an “ominous” entity. Hence traditional terms like “night hag” or “old hag” or “ghost on body” (Chinese) seem more appropriate.

2. Sure, the cause of sleep paralysis could be due to normal sleep physiology in some or many cases. However, I don’t see how normal sleep physiology is necessarily the cause in all cases.

3. If this is always the case, then wouldn’t people with sleep apnea typically experience sleep paralysis? Yet many if not most people with sleep apnea don’t experience sleep paralysis. Not in the sense of an “ominous figure”. Otherwise one is making an equivocation between literal “sleep paralysis” and the night hag.

4. Similarly, there are people in a “hyper-aroused state” who don’t get any “ominous” types of hallucinations. Suppose a drug abuser gets hallucinations. That doesn’t mean the hallucinations will be of a nefarious sort. They could be quite pleasurable.

On the flipside, perhaps there are people who experience the old hag but aren’t necessarily in a “hyper-aroused state”. That might take sleep studies to determine. Granted, there may be slight hiccups in conducting such an experiment. For instance, if the cause is a personal agent, say a demonic entity, then it might be more akin to trying to catch a tiger. The tiger may or may not show up!

5. I may do a separate post on the medical science in the future.

Possession states and allied syndromes

Here is an intriguing article:

The Psychiatrist Who Believed People Could Tell the Future

The article’s primary focus is a British psychiatrist named John Barker and his work. In addition, Barker’s patients Kathleen Lorna Middleton and Alan Hencher both stand out as well.

At the same time, the article mentions a psychiatric colleague of Barker’s named David Enoch. Among other accomplishments, Enoch wrote a “minor classic” of a book titled Uncommon Psychiatric Syndromes.

Below is an excerpt from the 4th edition of Uncommon Psychiatric Syndromes (pp 224-244). The co-authors of Uncommon Psychiatric Syndromes are both British physicians (psychiatrists) – David Enoch and Hadrian Ball.

Continue reading

A heart attacked


I’d like to briefly comment on the medical or surgical aspects of a story about a man named Carlos Suzuki from Brazil found in this paper:

Pedro replied that his brother had been suffering with a serious heart condition. He had undergone an aborted surgery a short time before in Sāo Paulo where they lived. The medical team explained that Carlos’ arteries were extremely clogged and that his body was very debilitated. Fearing for his life, the doctors decided not to complete the planned surgery. Instead, they advised him to enjoy the few months of life he had remaining as best as he was able since there was little more they could do to help him.

Sounds like Carlos may have had severe coronary artery disease (CAD) and needed coronary artery bypass graft (CABG) surgery. (Presumably percutaneous coronary intervention (PCI) or percutaneous transluminal coronary angioplasty (PTCA) with stenting wasn’t a viable option in Brazil at the time.)

A few minutes later Antonio, dressed in a white coat, walked rapidly out of the building onto the porch pushing a cart laden with “surgical” instruments. Without saying a word he reached across the cart and picked up an electric saw with a serrated circular blade. Rapidly he attached the tool to an extension cord handed to him through a window from inside the building. Carlos, wide-awake, continued his conversation with Pedro and seemed to pay little attention to the approaching man with the saw in his hand. Antonio methodically turned on the tool and still not addressing or interacting with Carlos, drove the spinning blade into the left side of the patient’s chest. As it spun, the skin parted and blood spurted out. The onlookers gasped. The patient did not cry out or move, but he did continue his conversation with his brother. After withdrawing and reinserting the blade several times, Antonio removed it and, with his fingers, picked up a strip of flesh from near the patient’s heart, the same piece Carlos showed me the next day in the airport. The procedure took but a few minutes. The saw blade had not been cleaned before it was used and no effort was made to sterilize it afterwards when the healer turned it on his next patient. Carlos did not received any anesthesia and was wide-awake as the blade severed his flesh and the healer removed the tissue. Without uttering a word to the man whose body he had violated in this extreme manner, Antonio unplugged the saw and walked away, pushing the cart in the direction of his next patient. A few minutes later a woman, also dressed in white, holding what looked like an ordinary sewing needle and thread, closed and bandaged Carlos’ wound. She then helped the patient from the cot and escorted him back into the building where he was given a glass of “specially prepared water.” After drinking the liquid, he was chaperoned to yet another room where he was told to rest quietly.

1. So yeah, bottom line, if anyone operated on another person in this manner, it would’ve very likely resulted in their death!

2. A CABG would normally begin with harvesting the long saphenous vein from the leg and/or the radial artery from the arm. That’s because these blood vessels are grafted in and around the heart’s blocked blood vessels to circumvent the blockage. Given Carlos had “extremely clogged” blood vessels, if this healing truly worked, then are there additional blood vessels present in Carlos’ cardiac anatomy which weren’t present before?

The alternative is something like a PCI or PTCA where a stent is used to unblock blocked arteries. To clear the blockage. If the healing worked by clearing blockage, so that all we see is unblocked or clear blood vessels, that would be more economic. It would not “multiply entities” like having extra blood vessels appear as above.

3. Normally, in a CABG, Carlos would have been given an anticoagulant (heparin) and placed on cardiopulmonary bypass. That’s because the surgery would’ve required the heart and lungs to be temporarily stopped so their function would need to be artificially replaced. However, Carlos was fully conscious for all this. That’s interesting because Carlos had a gaping wound in his heart with blood spurting out and he didn’t crash but quite the opposite. That seems physiologically impossible.

4. Antonio “drove the spinning blade into the left side of [Carlos’] chest”. I presume that’d be a left anterolateral thoracotomy. It is possible to use an anterolateral thoracotomy for a CABG. However, to my knowledge, that’s typically reserved for trauma patients with cardiac wounds such as gunshot wounds or knife wounds. Yet Carlos was not in extremis.

Contrary to popular belief, the heart isn’t normally located on the left side, but the heart is normally located in the middle of our bodies, i.e., middle mediastinum. It’s just that the left ventricle of the heart is usually slightly shifted toward our left side, hence we feel the left ventricle beating most on our left side. Given this, the heart is normally accessed via a median sternotomy.

5. For a median sternotomy, either a pneumatic sternal saw or an oscillating saw is used. However, neither saws have “a serrated circular blade”. These saws look more like this for example.

For a left anterolateral thoracotomy, it’s usually either trauma shears or a Gigli saw. Neither involve “a serrated circular blade”.

6. Wire sutures are typically used for a sternotomy closure, sometimes with titanium plates or kryptonite bone cement, but certainly not “ordinary sewing needle and thread”. That wouldn’t keep things closed, not for long anyway!

[Carlos] explained to Pedro that it had not been Antonio who had operated on him. Antonio, the bricklayer with a first grade education, was a medium whose body at the time of the surgery was inhabited by a spirit, the spirit of a Dr. Ricardo Stans, a German national who received his medical education in Italy during the 19th century. Sometime after his death he is reported to have returned to “our world” to treat living patients using the bodies of mediums like Antonio. When operating, Carlos informed his brother, Dr. Stans was assisted by a number of other spirits who had been trained in various aspects of medicine, or in other healing traditions, in previous lives. He was told that they brought with them “advanced” medical techniques from the spirit world. It was these spirits who had cleaned the instruments and provided the anesthesia for Carlos and the other patients.

I don’t know how surgical operations worked in the 19th century. However, at a minimum, even back then, surgeons would’ve known where the heart is located. Would surgeons back then have approached the heart on the left side?

Although I don’t know if they had anything like a saw with a serrated circular blade back then.


At the time an agnostic/atheist, Ian McCormack writes:

I befriended some Tamil people in Colombo who welcomed me into their home and family life. One time while I was staying with them we all travelled to the hidden city of Kataragama. While I was at this sacred city I had my first supernatural experience. As I was looking at a carved idol I actually saw its lips move. I was deeply disturbed by this experience and I wanted to get out of that place as soon as I could!

As I continued to live with my Tamil friends, I observed that each day they would offer food to their household idol, the elephant god Garnesh. Some days they would clothe it, other days bath it in milk or water. It seemed strange to me that a person could believe a stone idol could be a god, as some one had obviously made it with their own hands. But looking at that stone statue one day I felt an evil yet powerful presence emanating from it. It surprised and intimidated me.


A Christian friend (whom I have no good reason to doubt) recently told me the following stories. Make of them what you will.

1. His wife’s grandfather used to be a witch doctor in a developing nation. One late night he stumbled and fell into a deep ditch. There, in the ditch, he claimed to have seen a vision of Jesus. The grandfather just knew it was Jesus. After he got out of the ditch, he became a Christian. He went on to start a church in their town. Led many to Jesus.

2. His wife’s father was a Christian but passed away early. Another relative used a well-known medium in the area to try to contact the father via a séance. The medium reported the Christian father responded to the medium, but he rebuked the medium, and the medium could go no further. The Christian father told the medium something like it was wrong or forbidden to contact him.

3. His wife has a pair of friends: one is a Christian while the other is not. The non-Christian friend convinced the Christian friend to go along with her to a fortune teller. At first, the Christian friend didn’t want to, but the non-Christian friend kept insisting, and the Christian friend finally gave in and went. The fortune teller was able to read the fortune of the non-Christian friend. However, when the fortune teller tried to read the Christian friend, the fortune teller couldn’t, and eventually gave up, reporting that all the fortune teller could see was a thick and impenetrable cloud around the Christian friend. The Christian friend believes the cloud was the Holy Spirit protecting her.

Mrs. Kwo

John Livingstone Nevius (1829-1893) was an American Presbyterian missionary to China and Korea.

Below is an excerpt taken from chapter 3 of his book Demon Possession and Allied Themes.

A picture of John Nevius:


Early in the summer of 1879 I heard from the native assistant, Leng, of a case of supposed “possession,” in which he had failed to afford relief. This failure he attributed to want of faith. At my request he gave me an account of the case, which, in his own words, is as follows:

“This spring when I was at Tse-kia chwang, in the district of Shiu-kwang, I was giving the Christians there an account of the case of Mr. Kwo at Hing-kia, when an enquirer present said: ‘We have a similar case here.’ It was that of a woman, also named Kwo. She was thirty-two years of age, and had suffered from this infliction eight years. It happened that at the time of my visit the woman was suffering more than usual. Her husband, in the hope that the demon would not disturb his wife in the house of a Christian, had brought her to the home of his brother-in-law, Mr. Sen, who had lately professed Christianity. On my arrival they said to me: ‘She is here, on the opposite side of the court,’ and they begged me to cast out the spirit; as they had tried every method they knew of without effect. Then without waiting for my assent, they brought the woman into the room where I was. I said: *I have no power to do anything of myself. We must ask God to help us.’ While we knelt in prayer the woman was lying on the k’ang [the earthen bed of North China], apparently unconscious. When the prayer was finished she was sitting up, her eyes closed, with a fluttering motion of the eyelids, her countenance like one weeping, and the fingers of both hands tightly clenched. She would allow no one to straighten her closed fingers. I then, hardly expecting an answer, as the woman had hitherto been speechless, said to the demon: ‘Have you no fear of God. Why do you come here to affiict this woman?’ To this I received instantly the following reply:

‘Tien-fu Yia-su puh kwan an.
Wo tsai che-li tsih pa nian,
Ni iao nien wo, nan shang nan,
Pi iao keh wo pa-shin ngan.’


‘God and Christ will not interfere. I have been here seven or eight years; and I claim this as my resting-place. You cannot get rid of me.’

She continued for some time uttering a succession of rhymes similar to the above, without the slightest pause; the purport of them all being: ‘I want a resting-place, and I’ll not leave this one.’ The utterances were so rapid that the verse given above was the only one I could remember perfectly. I can recall another line: ‘You are men, but I am shien,’ (i. e. one of the genii). After repeating these verses, evidently extemporized for the occasion, a person present dragged her back to her apartments—the demon not having been exorcised.

Mr. Leng revisited this regon in the month of August. His further, and more satisfactory experiences in connection with this case, I also give in his own words:

“I was attending service one Sunday at a village called Wu-kia-miao-ts, two miles from Tse-kia chwang, and Mr. Sen from the latter village was present. Noticing in Mr. Sen’s hand a paper parcel I enquired what it contained, and was told that it contained cinnabar. This is a medicine which is much used for the purpose of expelling evil spirits. Mr. Sen said he had procured it to administer to the possessed woman, Mrs. Kwo, who was suffering from her malady very severely. I then spoke to the Christians present as follows: ‘We are worshipers of the true God. We ought not to use the world’s methods for exorcising demons, but rather appeal to God only. The reason why we did pot succeed before was our want of faith. This is our sin.’ I went on to tell them how willing God is to answer prayer, referring to my own experience in the famine region, when, reduced almost to starvation, I prayed to God for help, and was heard and rescued. I asked those present if they would join me in prayer for Mrs. Kwo, and they all did so. After this I set out for Tse-kia chwang in company with two other Christians.

“While this was transpiring at Wu-kia-miao-ts the Christians at Tse-kia chwang were attempting to hold their customary Sunday service; but Mrs. Kwo (or the demon possessing her) was determined to prevent it. She raved wildly, and springing upon the table threw the Bibles and hymn-books on the floor. The wife of a younger Mr. Sen, who was a Christian, then became similarly affected; and the two women were raving together. They were heard saying to each other: ‘Those three men are coming here, and have got as far as the stream.’ Someone asked: ‘Who are coming?’ The woman replied with great emphasis: ‘One of them is that man Leng.’ As I was not expected to visit that place until a few days later, a daughter of the family said: ‘He will not be here today.’ To which the demon replied: ‘If he does not come here today, then I am no shien [demon]. They are now crossing the stream, and will reach here when the sun is about so high,’ and she pointed to the west. No one could have known, in the ordinary way, that we were coming, as our visit was not thought of until just before starting. Moreover the two men who went with me were from different villages, at a considerable distance in opposite directions, and had had no previous intention of accompanying me. When we arrived at the village a large company were assembled at Mr. Sen’s house, attracted by the disturbance, and curious to see the result of it. After a time I went into the north building where the two raving women were sitting together on the k’ang. I addressed the demon possessing them as follows: ‘Do you not know that the members of this family are believers in the true God, and that this is a place used for his worship? You are not only disturbing the peace of this house, but you are fighting against God. If you do not leave, we will immediately call upon God to drive you out.’ The younger of the two women then said to the other: ‘Let us go-let us go!’ The other drew back on the k’ang angrily saying: “I’ll not go! I’ll stay and be the death of this woman!’ I then said with great vehemence: ‘You evil, malignant spirit! You have not the power of life and death; and you cannot intimidate us by your vain threats. We will now call upon God to drive you out.’ So the Christians all nelt to pray. The bystanders say that during the prayer the two possessed persons, awakening as if from sleep, looked about, and seeing us kneeling, quietly got down from the k’ang and knelt beside us. When we rose from prayer we saw the women still kneeling; and soon after Mrs. Kwo arose and came forward greeting us naturally and politely, evidently quite restored.” Here ends Mr. Leng’s narrative.

I myself visited the place in the month of October in company with Rev. J. A. Leyenberger, at which time Mrs. Kwo asked for baptism. As she gave evidence of sincerity and faith in Christ, she was baptized, together with thirteen others. As far as I know she has had no return of her malady.

The statements of Mr. Leng, as given above, were confirmed by minute examinations of all the parties concerned, and their testimony was clear and consistent. No one in the village or neighborhood doubts the truth of the story; nor do they regard it as anything specially strange or remarkable.

Mrs. Kwo is highly esteemed in her neighborhood, and has, since her baptism, been regarded by all who know her as an intelligent and consistent Christian. She is a woman of pleasing manners, and a retiring disposition, apparently in good health, and there is nothing unnatural or peculiar in her appearance. For nearly two years after her baptism, threatened returns ofher old malady gave her and her friends no little anxiety. She says that she was frequently conscious of the presence of the evil spirit seeking to gain his former control over her, and was almost powerless to resist the unseen influence which she felt threatening her. At such times she at once fell on her knees and appealed to Christ for help, which she never failed to receive. She says that these returns of the demon became less and less frequent and persistent, and after a time ceased altogether. Mrs. Kwo has never in her normal condition shown any aptitude for improvising verses; and I presume could not now compose a single stanza.

Transportation in China mid-to-late 1800s:


Several Chinese in John Nevius’ day:


Bedside visitations

The following three anecdotes have been taken from the book Near Death in the ICU: Stories from Patients Near Death and Why We Should Listen to Them by a critical care physician named Laurin Bellg. Dr. Bellg graduated from the University of Tennessee College of Medicine, completed her internal medicine residency at the Medical College of Wisconsin, and completed her pulmonary and critical care medicine fellowship at Rush University Medical Center.


It’s not very often that I have personally witnessed patients experiencing bedside visitations – apparent interactions with entities we can’t see that clearly they can – but it has happened. More often I’ve been privy to family member accounts (even my own) as they share with me in awe and soft whispers what they’ve observed as they hold vigil, awaiting their loved one’s passing. “He’s been having a conversation with Mom,” they might say. Or, “Can’t you see him? He’s right there waiting for me,” a patient may muse in wonder.

What seems different about these events in particular, setting them apart from hallucinations or delirium, is that patients are often very coherent with family and staff. They don’t seem delusional or even subject to confusion in these moments. Perhaps they are having hallucinations of some kind, but it is hard to discount what they report while they simultaneously interact in a normal way with us. Having witnessed lucid and oriented patients interact with something or someone that’s not visible to us makes it difficult for me to pass it off as a misfiring of a dying synapse. It quickly becomes clear to all involved that they can see something we can’t. Often there is an expression of wonder from the patient and the families when it occurs.

Of course, not all patients are clear and coherent so close to death. I have also observed patients who, after hours or days of being unresponsive, suddenly become acutely aware of their surroundings in a way that totally excludes those of us bearing witness. Having someone emerge acutely from a state of not responding at all to seeing and interacting with something they apparently see that’s so important to them that they actually ignore us, certainly stands out!

One of my most memorable encounters with the mystery of bedside visitations happened when I was an internal medicine resident doing a required oncology rotation. The cancer ward also served as an inpatient hospice, and we took call for both. When you are a resident physician in training, you usually are on call overnight in the hospital. You can sleep there during your shift if it’s not busy, but the accommodations are not exactly luxe.

The oncology ward where I trained was a separate wing set apart from the rest of the hospital and, oddly enough, connected to the Children’s Hospital, although we only cared for adult patients there. The isolated call room where we slept when we could was literally nothing more than a closet with a bed wedged into it. It was quite drab, with no window, and the lighting was either blaring or pitch black, so I spent as little time in there as possible. I preferred hanging out in the nurses’ work area in the early evening until I was tired enough to become blind to the claustrophobic feel of the tiny room. If the overnight workload permitted and admissions had slowed, it was a good idea to catch at least a couple of hours of sleep in order to make it coherently through the next day.

One of the hospice patients on our service at that time was a 63-year-old woman with breast cancer that had metastasized to her brain, lungs and bones. Her body was wracked with pain, and as her condition deteriorated and her body continued to waste away, she became so weak she could not move of her own accord. It took generous doses of morphine and several nurses to be able to move her for her daily care needs without causing considerable discomfort.

Earlier in the week, there had been a family meeting that resulted in a shift in her treatment goals toward palliative care. It was the pivotal point where we all understood that we were at the stage where we were no longer prolonging her life but prolonging her death, so we all agreed to keep her comfortable until she passed away. There would be no more chemotherapy, no more radiation. In keeping with the patient’s wishes, she was placed on pure comfort care, and nothing other than those measures necessary to relieve pain and suffering would be administered until she died. For the next few days, family members and friends drifted in and out to pay their respects and hold vigil.

One particular evening when I had the overnight duty, I was heading to a small workroom near the nurses’ station to catch up on some of my documentation. As I passed the patient’s open door, I noticed a woman whom I recognized from the family meeting earlier in the week sitting at her mother’s bedside. The overhead lights had been turned off for the evening, except for a small bank of track lighting above the bed casting an indirect glow toward the ceiling. It was comfortably dim.

I leaned into the room to ask quietly how things were going. The daughter seemed in a mood to talk, so with nothing much else happening on the ward, I pulled up a chair in the room’s soft light and we began chatting quietly. It was an easy conversation and seemed to be a comfort to her. As my eyes adjusted to the low light of the room, I could see the patient lying there more clearly. She appeared weak and her breathing was so shallow as to be barely perceptible. It wouldn’t be long now until she passed, I surmised, and I could certainly understand why her daughter was reluctant to leave her side.

We had been sitting there a few minutes, talking about nothing in particular, when we began to hear murmuring coming from the patient’s direction. Turning our attention to her, we noticed that she appeared to be having a conversation. This seemed odd to both of us because she had not been responsive at all for the past two days, and even before that had not done much more than utter moans or random single sounds.

Although her body hadn’t moved on its own for several days, she then began to add subtle hand movements as one would in the course of normal conversation. It seemed absolutely conversational, complete with pauses and subtle head gestures, suggesting that she was listening when she wasn’t talking. Her daughter and I fell into silence watching her, leaning in to try to make out what she was saying. But despite the conversational cadence, it was only distinguishable as mumbles. This went on for about ten minutes, when she suddenly opened her eyes and seemed to focus intently on something in middle space. Her daughter tried to speak with her, but there was no recognition or acknowledgement. Her mother’s eyes looked past her and up, toward the corner of the room.

Then her attention shifted to an area of the ceiling above, requiring her to turn her head from where she had lain for the past few hours on her right side. Her daughter moved forward in fascination to observe her mother, but said nothing. After staring into the area above her bed for several moments, she began to make movements, attempting to sit up. Her daughter looked at me and we both exchanged amazed glances at what we were seeing. We understood that we were witnessing something quite extraordinary.

This woman had not moved for days, and certainly not without complete help or immense pain, but now she was moving with relative ease and gave no indication of any discomfort. She seemed to be engaged in a process that clearly did not involve us, so we simply watched in awe and let it unfold. Then in one deft movement, she pushed herself up to a near-sitting position, leaned forward and lifted her hand up as if reaching for something. She then said very clearly and with obvious surprise, “You’re here!”

I heard her daughter begin to softly cry, and I sat back just to be present to whatever was happening. The patient maintained this position for thirty seconds or so, and then, as if being lowered by unseen hands, slowly lay back down on the pillow. With eyes closed, she exhaled deeply her last breath – and died. We sat in silence for a long time, neither of us knowing what to say but clearly aware that something mysterious and wonderful had just taken place. Finally, with tears streaming down her face and her voice trembling, her daughter said, “I’m so grateful I was here to witness that.” I was too. I think that was the moment that I fell in love with the mystery that surrounds death and dying.


I had my own strange experience of observing what seemed to be a bedside visitation when my grandmother was dying. She’d had a gradual descent into vascular dementia over the years leading up to her passing, and was nearly totally withdrawn toward the end. She wouldn’t interact, she wouldn’t eat, and with her increasing failure to thrive, she was clearly dying.

A few weeks before my grandmother’s death at age ninety-one, hospice became involved and spent a great deal of time in her home, both caring for her and comforting my grandfather. When her decline accelerated, I flew in from my home in the upper Midwest to spend whatever time I could with her. I remember my grandfather, knowing I was a physician, sitting at her bedside when I arrived at the house, looking at me helplessly and saying through thick tears, “Is there anything you can do to save her?”

“No, Grandpa,” I replied. “It’s her time.”

He nodded sadly and turned his attention back to her wrinkled hand, which he held and caressed with such love and tenderness that it broke my heart. By this time she was totally unresponsive, and it was not clear to us what she did and did not understand. Could she hear us when we told her we loved her? Was she suffering in ways she couldn’t tell us? With the help of the hospice nurses, we gave her morphine under her tongue if she moaned, and we repositioned her periodically, trying to guess at what would make her most comfortable – but we couldn’t know for sure, and we frequently found ourselves feeling quite helpless to meet her unspoken needs.

One night I was up late with one of the hospice nurses, who were by now staying in shifts around the clock. We chatted quietly now and then, but mostly we sat in the dim silence of my grandparents’ old Southern farm home, not saying a word. Suddenly, my grandmother began talking. It was hard to understand, but it seemed as if she was carrying on a conversation. All that we could understand was when she gazed softly with a faraway look in her eye and said, “Almost there. Almost.”

“She must be getting close,” the hospice nurse said. “She’s starting to talk.” I knew what she meant, having had patients of my own who had apparent discourse with a presence none of us could see.

It was tough seeing my grandmother dying. Although by all appearances a simple farmer’s wife, she was one of the most naturally elegant people I knew, and I had always admired her for her calmness and grace. Even with drama erupting all around her, she seemed to maintain a cool and centered calm – one I sought to emulate but never quite succeeded in doing. Not the way she did, anyway. Having witnessed my patients’ beside visitations, I was deeply moved to be able to experience this with someone I was so close to.

What happened next was strange. Had I not experienced it first hand, I would have harbored skepticism, but because I was witness to it, I can only report my experience. At the risk of reading meaning into something that was a natural occurrence and strictly coincidental, I chose then to embrace a way of understanding it that brought me the most comfort. In doing so, I gained insight into why my patients and their families might do the same, believing with their whole heart that what they experienced was real. What happened was meaningful and real to me. I now understand that similar events are meaningful and real to them.

A day before my grandmother died, we noticed two doves right outside her window, perched on the back of the pale green metal glider that had been on their front porch for years and was now partly rusted from the ever-present humidity of the deep South. Those doves never left. More often than not, they were looking at the window of my grandmother’s bedroom, seeming to try to peer through it from time to time. Occasionally there was a soft peck at the window, and we would look up to see one or both of the gray birds ruffling their feathers and pacing back and forth along the back of the glider. Glancing through the window and cooing softly, they seemed to be watching her.

After a day of tending their perch outside my grandmother’s window, just hours before she died they became very agitated, pacing up and down along the back of the settee – roosting, fluffing, then settling over and over. They seemed restless. Around the same time, my grandmother’s conversations seemed to pick up. She talked and gestured with her eyes closed, quietly, but very purposefully. Occasionally, we would understand a word here and there, especially on the occasion that she would reach her hand out and say, “Almost. Almost.”

We would also hear her talking about roses. “Oh, look, a rose,” she would say, or “A rose, so beautiful.” My grandmother loved her roses and tended to them faithfully. It seemed so fitting that in her dying moments she would somehow be presented with the image of roses, and it was a great comfort to us.

Moments before she took her last breath, the doves became especially active. One in particular kept flying off a short distance, and then coming back. We were fascinated. Aunts, uncles, cousins, my mom and grandfather all took notice. Once, when my grandmother had a very long pause in her breathing, both doves flew away a short distance, only to return when her breathing resumed.

Then after several moments of her taking long pauses, stopping breathing, then starting again, she took her final breath. At that moment, when it was certain she would not breathe again, the two doves took off in a flurry and flew away. We never saw them again, and my grandmother never took another breath. She was clearly gone, and we mused among ourselves that perhaps she’d had company on her way – escorted by two gray doves that had kept vigil for those long hours. It comforted us to think so.

None of us had ever seen doves there before – not the children of my grandparents who had grown up in that house, nor the grandchildren who had spent many lazy summer days playing on that front porch. And since my grandmother’s passing, we’ve not seen them again. Ever.

What happened next, though, truly defies logic. Keep in mind that my grandparents were farmers, as were their parents and ancestors before them. They were intimately familiar with their land. In fact, my grandfather inherited the land from his father, and had been farming it since his father’s death when he had to drop out of the small grade school not far down the red dirt road to support his family. There wasn’t an inch of that eighty-acre plot of land my grandparents and our entire family weren’t familiar with – an area in northern Florida where generations of Registers, Carswells and Outlaws had farmed peanuts, cotton and occasionally sugar cane. In fact, tucked right up against the borders of Alabama and Georgia, along a vast network of winding red dirt roads, they knew every sound and wind shift that occurred on that land.

So it amazed us that a few moments after my grandmother died and the doves had flown away, we all heard what sounded like a horn play several sweet notes in the field right behind the house. The field was totally empty for the season – the bare cotton stalks had only a smattering of white cotton remnants still lingering in the few pods that had resisted the harvester several weeks earlier – but the sound of the trumpet-like horn was very close. Even younger cousins who had been playing in the back yard came running in to tell us they had heard a horn playing in the field near them but couldn’t see anyone. No one could explain it. There were no radios or televisions on. We had all been quiet and reverent before and at the time of my grandmother’s passing. No vehicle had passed the remote dirt road outside their modest farmhouse. It’s the kind of story that had I not experienced it personally, I would be tempted to discount it as made up, thinking that “you hear what you want to hear.”

Yet we had all heard the horn, and we could only just stare quizzically at one another and contemplate what had just happened – the doves, the horn sounding. No one said a word. Finally, it was a hospice nurse, a gentle black woman, who broke the silence and said, “Now that is only the second or third time in all my years that I have heard that trumpet right after somebody died.” She was so matter of fact about it. I admit it was comforting to have her validate our experience, her simple words reinforcing its meaning for us.

I can’t logically explain what happened, and I don’t really feel a need to. Whether or not it was a totally random, collective auditory hallucination misinterpreted from another perfectly natural sound or not, I can’t say. But it happened. All of us who were gathered at my dying grandmother’s bedside – both inside and outside of the house – experienced it. Bearing mutual witness to this thing that we can’t explain during a moment of shared grief still holds deep meaning for our family. That is all the explanation I need, and it brings me comfort.


One of the most memorable bedside encounters I’ve had the privilege of hearing was that of a woman named Alice. She was gravely sick, but despite the touch-and-go course of her illness, she ultimately did not die. She did, however, experience a visitation.

Alice had a teenage nephew, Corbin, with whom she shared a special bond. She had watched over him during his early years before he started school while his parents both worked. During his elementary and junior high school years, the bus would pick him up and drop him off at her house until his parents could collect him after work. He was not an only child, but he was the youngest, being born much later than his older brothers and sisters. The sibling next in age to him was still sixteen years his elder, so he seemed like an only child and received a lot of love and attention from his parents, his brothers and sisters and his favorite Aunt Alice.

Corbin was one of those easy-going kids who was easy to like, at home and at school. He was popular and had a lot of friends. Good at sports and especially adept at math, he had plans of seeking a baseball scholarship for college and coming back to his hometown to be a teacher and a coach at the high school from which he would soon graduate.

Shortly after his aunt was admitted to the hospital with severe pneumonia and respiratory failure, Corbin was driving home from a school event one evening when a drunk driver veered into his lane, hitting him head on and killing them both. Everyone was devastated at this senseless loss of such a promising young life. When the accident happened, his aunt was probably at her sickest and it was at a point in her illness when we were not certain whether she would recover or not. She had severe lung injury from her pneumonia, and her kidneys, which were not in the best shape before her hospitalization, had become further impaired from her critical illness and she now required dialysis.

As she started to show signs of improvement and it looked as though she would survive, they decided not to tell her about Corbin’s death. They feared that because she and Corbin had been so close, she would lose the will to live. They were a close family and just didn’t feel they could handle another loss. They knew they would have to tell her eventually, but for now they decided to let her get further down the road in her own recovery before sharing the sad news. When she finally turned the corner, she was awakened from her medically induced coma and removed from the ventilator that was supporting her breathing. Much of her family was there for the occasion. When she was able to talk, she looked at them all with so much sadness and love and said, “I know about Corbin.”

There were gasps and murmurs of “who told you” and “we told the staff not to tell you.” They even looked at each other with misgiving, thinking that perhaps one of their own had divulged the devastating news. Her explanation shocked them all but also quickly righted an unsteady ship of suspicion of betrayal. With incredible love and gentleness, looking into her loved one’s faces and weighing her words, she softly said, “Corbin told me.” She let that information hang there a moment before she continued. “He came to me when I was so sick and he told me what happened. He told me about the accident and that it happened so suddenly. He assured me he didn’t suffer in the least. He saw bright lights, and then felt total peace.

“He also told me I would get better because my family needed me. He wanted me to tell every one of you how much he loves you and how grateful he is for the good life you provided for him. He said he is in a beautiful place, and that he will never be that far away from us but that he will be busy now.”

She continued, “When I asked him what he would be busy doing, he shrugged and laughed, saying he really didn’t know yet, but he was just told by a beautiful being of light, who met him when he left his physical body, to get some rest, because soon he was going to be very busy.”

Even though the loss of Corbin was so unbelievably sad and heartbreaking, this unexpected visitation provided incredible healing for the family. And while it didn’t totally erase their grief or their sense of loss, it did provide immeasurable comfort and softened the pain. It offered peace to learn that Corbin was okay and gave them a healing topic of conversation as they laughed and speculated about what new work was keeping him so busy.

I sometimes wonder if those who say there’s no evidence of something beyond this existence perhaps aren’t really looking for it. I once had a colleague say that in all his years of patient care, he had never once had a patient describe a near-death encounter and he had never seen evidence of bedside visitations. “Did you ever ask patients about those experiences?” I inquired. He had not.

Demonic bullying

Eowyn Stoddard (and her husband and family) is a missionary in Germany. She writes about her experiences with the demonic while teaching the Bible and preaching the gospel in Germany.

Demonology 101
By Eowyn Stoddard


After a few months on “our” mission field-a post-communist, dead, atheistic region-my family and I were reeling from the shock. No, not culture shock, though there was plenty of that. It was the shock of coming face-to-face with demonic forces beyond our comprehension.

Numerous strange events had transpired: liters of urine poured into our stroller, blood splattered on our apartment door, a small hole drilled into our front door indicating a planned break-in (the hole is used to insert a small probe camera), much sickness, poor sleep for us, and even the sense of an evil presence in our bedroom.

At first, we thought we must be imagining things, but the horrid climax was the nightmares that tormented our two-year old son. For many months, he’d wake up screaming bloody murder and we could not settle him back down easily. At two-and-a-half, he was finally able to verbalize what he’d been dreaming about for the past few months. One of his most vivid dreams was about a woman with black hair and red eyes who wore only a bra and black pants and would offer him a basket of rotten fruit and force him to eat. His nightmare was X-rated, not a typical toddler-being-chased-by-a-bear dream. Satan was not playing fair.

Now the shock turned to anger. I scanned the recesses of my brain. What had seminary taught me about demonic activity? I couldn’t recall any class where we had discussed anything remotely similar to what we were experiencing, nor was “Demonology 101” offered when I attended!

But what seminary had taught me was not to panic in the face of theological conundrums. It gave me a lens through which I was taught to see everything from the perspective of God’s sovereignty.

Reality Check

As Christians, we can be sure of the existence of Satan and demons because the Bible plainly depicts them as fallen angels who work in the world to oppose God and his people, to deceive and blind unbelievers to the Truth. We have a very real adversary who roams around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour (1 Pe 5:8). As Ephesians 6 describes, “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph 6:12).

The devil is bent on destroying Christians and their testimony, and stopping the progress of the gospel. What we experienced was “normal” for our context, and many other missionaries can testify to similar kinds of things happening to them. I call these sorts of scare tactics “demonic bullying.”

In a place where the number of Christians is under 1% and the rest of the population is consciously or unconsciously worshiping the enemy, this is not surprising at all. Satan does not want people rescued out of darkness and brought into the light. He will use ordinary frustrating events to harass the believer, and occasionally he will employ extraordinary means to bolster his scare tactics, as was the case of my son’s dream.

Satan, demons, and their power are real, but they are not allowed to toy with us, even though that is what it feels like sometimes. The devil is only permitted to do what God has decreed.

I love the story of Job because it is as if the author pulls back the heavenly curtain for us and we see Satan entering the stage of God’s courtroom. God himself brings Job to Satan’s attention.

Satan is allowed to afflict Job within limits, albeit with very severe consequences for him and his family. In Job’s case, Satan is not allowed to take his life. God’s sovereignty has always trumped Satan’s power. From this side of the cross, we know his doom is sure.

Our ultimate victory over Satan is guaranteed because our life is hidden in Christ and he has already conquered all evil through his death and resurrection. The Holy Spirit, who indwells believers, is the down payment of our eternal inheritance. Since the coming of the Holy Spirit, the enemy can only harass as he exits the stage, and he certainly cannot possess (believers, that is)!

Action Plan

Because we were so overwhelmed with our situation, we needed help. We called our teammates to come pray with us. While he was asleep, we prayed at my son’s bedroom windows, that God would not allow any evil to enter into his room and that he would sleep peacefully. The next morning, I asked him, “Did you have a nightmare last night?” His toddler answer was flabbergasting: “Yes, but this time the woman was outside my window and she couldn’t come in.” Most often, we aren’t given the privilege of seeing when and how God is acting in the supernatural world. But this time, we saw it!

It was as if God were pulling back the heavenly curtain for us, just for a moment. God, in his sovereignty, was ministering to my little boy, protecting and comforting him in ways I could not. We were given a sneak peek into how God uses the prayers of his people to accomplish his will. How that ministered to our souls during that dark season!

This also spurred us on to pray more fervently. We started teaching our children to wield the weapons given to us and described in Ephesians 6, especially prayer and God’s Word. We came to expect attacks and be alert but also not become paralyzed by them. When we started evangelistic meetings in our home, one of our five children inevitably became sick, every week without fail. Satan’s attacks became so predictable, it was almost laughable.

Instead of canceling the meeting, we would call one of our dear teammates to come babysit and pray on the top floor while we held the meeting downstairs. We learned not to be intimidated and to pursue our calling anyway. We have never experienced an attack of that order again, but have taken advantage of the gift of prayer on behalf of new teammates who have faced similar onslaughts. It is an honor to be able to speak from experience and comfort them with the truths of God’s sovereignty.

We labor in the land of Martin Luther (e.g. Germany) who summed it all up quite well when he penned the words to the famous hymn A Mighty Fortress:

And though this world, with devils filled, should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed His truth to triumph through us;
The Prince of Darkness grim, we tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure, for lo, his doom is sure,
One little word shall fell him.

That word above all earthly pow’rs, no thanks to them, abideth;
The Spirit and the gifts are ours through Him Who with us sideth;
Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also;
The body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still,
His kingdom is forever.

Snowball’s chance in hell

Just a random musing:

Many people in the world have claimed to have had uncanny experiences (e.g. dreams which came true, visions of entities or events they could not have otherwise known, NDEs, OBEs). I’m sure at least some of these uncanny experiences are veridical experiences. By which I don’t mean hallucinations or the like, but by which I do mean real experiences. Experiences which aren’t reducible to the brain, but experiences which have a basis in an external reality.

As such, it’s no wonder the vast majority of people in the world (let alone down through history) aren’t atheists. Atheism is just so inconsistent with many people’s firsthand experiences or the firsthand experiences of people they know and trust.

I suspect atheism is most common among intellectuals. However, intellectuals are the ones who tend to spend most of their time in ivory towers, shuffling from one lecture hall or conference to another, traveling in air-conditioned planes, cars, etc. They’ve isolated themselves in their own little bubble-world. The possibility that the uncanny or miraculous might be real is to them like a sub-Saharan African tribesman of yesteryear hearing about snow.